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The Cost of Adultery, the Price Tag is misleading!

• Adultery can be fun, exciting, enjoyable, etc.
• The cost might seem to be just a few rands /dollars for pocket money, airtime, hairstyles, restaurant dinners, hotel bookings, apartment rentals, car purchases, etc.

But the Real Cost is much bigger

• The price tag on adultery is incorrect, it is meant to mislead people. The real price is your soul.
• Adultery shatters trust, intimacy, and love in marriage.
• It breaks up families, ruins careers, and leaves a trail of pain and destruction in its path.
• Adultery (combined with HIV) destroys homes, leaving orphans behind and child-headed homes.
• One loses the respect of the children, friends, relatives, the church, the in-laws, and the community at large.
• Then there is guilt, humiliation, shame and embarrassment.

For any relationship to succeed over time it must be transactional, and the transactions must be “Give” and “Take”, “deposit” and “withdrawal”.  There is an allowance for a limited overdraft; but only taking without consideration for giving will sooner or later destroy the relationship.

How can he be so bad if he makes me feel so good?

“… and Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she pleases me well.”” Judges 14:3

Many of us are familiar with the story of Samson; in this text the parents of Samson are trying to convince him not to marry a Philistine woman. The question they ask is whether there are no good girls in Israel or in the church? There are many reasons that could have been advanced on why he shouldn’t marry a Philistine woman. The two nations where always at war with each other, they had different religions, they had different cultures and customs, etc.

Now, Samson’s answer does not address all of those issues. To him, it didn’t matter who she was, what her background was, whether she was a witch or not, whether she went to church or not, all that didn’t matter at all. What mattered to him was how she made him feel – he said “she pleases me well” I don’t actually know what he meant, maybe she had a great sense of humour, may she a good kisser, good in bed, etc. Whatever it was, she made him feel like a million dollars, and that’s all that mattered to him.

The question is what should be the criteria we use when choosing a spouse? Do we study and analyse someone character, lifestyle, background, personality, etc.? Do we use the information that we have gathered from others? Or do we use our own personal experience with that particular person. For most of us we use the latter. It is how I have experienced the person, how much I enjoyed his/her company, how he/she made me feel. The view is that if he/she makes me feel good, he/she must be good.

The problem with this way of thinking is that an abuser, a prostitute, a witch, a gangster, a murder, etc. can make a man/woman to feel good, very good. Does that make the person to be a good person?

Many of us have found themselves in the situation where you have a close relative who is going out with some person of a dubious character. Unfortunately, as much as you try to show your relative how bad the person is they fail to see it. In fact, if you insist you will soon be listed as the number one enemy. The reason why they can’t hear you is that you are missing each other. Whilst you might be looking at the other person’s character, they are looking at their own feelings, the experience they have had, how the other person made them feel. And from their point of view, you must be wrong, mistaken, or looking at his/her past, because their experience tells a different story.

This challenge is not only found among those who are unmarried, it is also found among those who are married. Many adulterous affairs follow the same chain of thought. There are people who are both married who then decide to have an affair, and in the process of time end up believing that theirs is the true love. The question is how can they become so deceived? I am confining myself to those who claim to be guided by Christian principles. Now, objective reasoning will tell you that someone who is unfaithful to his spouse and come to share his/her affection with you can only be a deceiver. In this case whatever it is they called “love” can only be lust (which will not last). Unfortunately, just like in the example above, the people don’t really care about the character defects, but only focuses on their experience, how the person makes them feel. We must remember that feelings have zero IQ, they have no intelligence, yet many will be prepared to lose all in order to follow their feelings.

If it is bad when both of them are married, it is worse when one is married and the other is single, for example a married man is going out with a single woman. The single woman can get so carried away that she thinks she is more loved than the other woman. Now, the man might even promise the single woman that he will divorce his wife and marry her. Now, objective reasoning should make the woman aware that no matter how he makes her feel, this man can’t be “good” person. For if he was, he wouldn’t be hurting his wife in order to please her. On the other hand, if the married man was sober he was also going to see that the single woman is an agent of evil responsible for breaking a family, and leaving the other woman hurt and her children confused and sometimes destroyed.

Yes, He can be bad even if he makes you feel good. She can be very bad even if she makes you feel very good. Never rely on feelings to make life’s decisions, listen to the Word of God.

If you stand for Him, He will stand by you

 “But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, “Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome.”” Acts 23: 11

Many of us are familiar with this story; Paul had been arrested by the Jews who had identified him as a troublemaker. It is interesting that this time around he was not causing trouble (preaching Jesus and Him crucified); he was just worshiping in the temple. How I wish that all of us can each day wake up with the determination to cause trouble, at home, at work, at schools, and in the streets, real trouble – testifying about Jesus and His goodness!

Anyway, coming back to the story, Paul was arrested and he was almost torn apart by the Jews, if it was not for the Roman guards that came to rescue him.

I wonder what could have been going on in the mind of Paul as he spends another night in prison knowing that he has not committed any crime, but to testify about the goodness of God. It is natural for one to expect some special favours from God especially after dedicating one’s life to His service. Over the weekend I heard of an American preacher who wants his followers to buy him a new $65 million (USD) private jet because his old jet is no longer good enough. Now, I think that if there was a preacher who deserved a new private jet, that preacher would have been Paul. But here he is, not in the $20 million (USD) dollar Hollywood mansion, but he is in prison with all the prison gangs, drug dealers and hardened criminals. What was going on in his mind? Was he becoming discouraged? Was he afraid of what will happen next? What was his state of mind? We don’t know, but this we know, whatever it was, it necessitated a special visit.

The text says that the following night, yes, it was at night. Bad things usually happen at night. Robbers, witches, murderers, prostitutes, etc., seem to prefer the night. The visit came at night. We always hope to receive something in the morning, may be at noon-time, or in the afternoon. When the night comes we lose all hope of getting anything. It is the night that brings about hopelessness, loneliness, and discouragement. The visit came at the night. There are many today who are going through their night period, to some, this is their visit.

The text says the Lord himself stood by him. Now, the Lord could have sent Bro Gabs (angel Gabriel). I am sure that angel Gabs was prepared and willing to do this mission, but the Lord said “No, Gabs, you can go and save someone from a car accident in Johannesburg, this one I have to do it myself, I’ve got this”. The Lord Himself appears to Paul in prison. The Lord not only knew that Paul was in prison, but he had the GPS coordinates of the prison, the keys, the remote control or the biometric prints required to open the prison doors.

The Lord came at night; he didn’t wait for the visiting hours. The Lord does not wait for visiting hours. He does not even wait for month end to visit your finances; he can give you a breakthrough before even before month-end. He does not wait for someone in your home to get a job before He can provide your needs; he can provide three meals a day without anyone in the house earning a salary. He does not wait for you to get to church in order to bless you, he can bless on the street, in the taxi, or even whilst you still in the shower. So, He visited Paul in the night.

The text says He stood by him. I have heard a songwriter say: “When the storms of life are raging, Stand by me. When the world is tossing me like a ship upon the sea, Thou Who rulest wind and water, Stand by me”. In line with the words of the song the Lord came to stand by Paul at his time of need. The forces of evil had gathered against Paul. Satan and his angels had gathered on one side and it seemed like Paul was all alone, when at the midnight hour, at the “ungodly hour” when the demons seem to be in charge, the Lord came to stand by Paul. It was as if the Lord was saying to all the forces of evil, “Fellows, take it easy, this guy is with me”. Yes, he might be in prison, but he is not alone. He might be down, but the Lord is standing by him and for him. I can imagine that when the demons saw the Lord by Paul’s side, they quickly remember Calvary and how the Lord knocked them out on that Sunday morning. They probably went back to report to their master “We are in trouble, he’s got Company”.

I’ve heard someone say God does not take side, the question is not if God is on your side or not, but the question is if you are on His side or not. Now, Paul had already decided to be on the Lord side, and the Lord had just come to show-off that Paul is on His side, and therefore He will stand by him.

The point is that when you stand for Him, He will stand by you!

To be continued next week…

I am a soldier of the cross

I am born again and baptised by the water the Spirit, Saved and sanctified by the blood of the lamb.

I’ve been in the battlefield for my Lord for a long time, fighting the good fight under the banner of the cross

I’ve been talk-about, back-stabbed, put-down, side-lined, marginalised, but I stand and remain standing on the Rock of my salvation.

I am a soldier of the cross

Faith is my shield, the Word is my sword, Salvation by helmet, Truth my belt, Righteousness my bullet-proof vest, and I wear the gospel gumboots

My fight is not against flesh, I know who my enemy is, and he is that lying, cheating, killing, deceiving, no good devil who has kicked of heaven for been a Satan.

My mission is to attack the colony of the devil with the view of freeing hostages, I am here to depopulate hell and by God’s grace populate heaven.

I am the soldier of the cross

I am a stranger and pilgrim in this world, this world is just a wilderness, there is no abiding city here for me, the houses, land, and material things does not matter to me.

I’ve a home on the other side where gold is used for paving the streets, and jasper is used for “stop-nonsense”, a city with foundations whose builder and maker is God,

Before then I’ve a mission to accomplish, I’ve made up my mind, nothing can stop me, the Lord is my guide and commander, victory has already been guaranteed.

I am the soldier of the cross

God created marriage (husband and wife) to be a team, and when this team play together and work together it always wins the game of life.But sometimes the team get confused (or is bitched by the devil) such that it starts scoring own goals. As if that’s not bad enough, some seem to find “happiness” in doing so, and “plan” to continue doing so to the destruction of the team. Heaven help, save, forgive and restore our teams!

God’s blessings are meant to fuel our worship

Many of us are familiar with the story of the ten lepers found in Luke chapter 17. In verse 15 the Bible says “And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.”

• After the 10 lepers pleaded for mercy, Jesus instructed them to go and show themselves to the priests. And as they went they were all healed. You can imagine their joy and excitement, and some indeed went to show themselves to the priests, others might have started at home first. But this one guy decides to come back and worship and also give thanks to Jesus.
• Because of his leprosy he was not allowed to come close to the people, go to the temple/church or even go to listen and mingle with Jesus. You will note that the text says lepers shouted from a distance. Now that he was healed he had the right to come close to the people, and he decided that the first thing he will do is to use his new found right to go to Jesus.
• Others as soon as they were healed they fell in love with their blessings and quickly forgot about the giver of the blessings. Others felt that following the religious rituals and rules (showing themselves to the priest) is more important than returning to the ruler of the whole universe.
• But this man decided that the rules and rituals can wait, He needs to go to worship the Ruler first. He decided that the gift is important, but the gift is nothing without the giver. In fact when we forget about the giver we end up misusing, abusing and something worshiping the gift. He realised that the blessing/healing was given to him so that He can bless the Lord

• Many of us are abusing the gifts/blessings that we have been given; we used them as tools for show-off, pride and selfishness. But in reality the more blessed I am, the more humble I should be, so that it is clear who must receive the glory and honour. The more blessed I am, the more I should worship Him, because the blessings are like petrol in the car, wood in the fire, coals in the stove, they are meant to fuel our worship.

Many blessings for the week!

Marrying to divorce

Divorce is a very painful experience to both people involved and even worse for the children. But the fact is that in some cases the roots of divorce are there long before marriage. Sometimes I look at young people who know that if their partners can continue with the same lifestyles in marriage they won’t be able to stand it, but they marry them anyhow. Since people hardly change (for the better) in marriage, they marry them in order to divorce them.

When the dust settles! (Young people),

• When the dust settles, it will be those who were standing on the on the Rock who will remain standing.
• When the dust settles, you will see that lust was written on the sand whereas love is engraved on the stone
• When the dust settles, you might realise that you sold yourself too cheaply (or for nothing) on the counter of peer pressure where everybody is selling.
• When the dust settles, it will be clear that instant gratification is the poison that contaminates the well of adult life.
• When the dust settles, you’ll see that those who looked like fools were actually very wise.

If doing right has made you unpopular, don’t get discouraged, wait until the dust settles!

When the dust settles,

It will be clear your that troubles where not there to destroy you, but to make you strong.

You might find out that you were fighting your friends whilst embracing your enemies

Your challenges were just a distraction from your real goals

It will be clear that those who trusted in Jesus were right all along

It will be clear that lust was written on the sand whereas love is engraved on the rock

Wait until the dust settles

Your troubles where timed to tell you it was time to trust in God

It was instant gratification

you might find that you were fighting your friends whilst embracing your enemies

When the dust settles, It will be those who are standing on the on the Rock who will remain standing

When the dust settles, you might realise that you sold yourself cheaply (or for nothing) on the counter of peer pressure where everybody is doing it.

When the dust settles, you’ll see that those who looked like fools are the ones who are wise.

When the dust settles, you will realise that lust was written on the sand whereas love is engraved on the stone

When the dust settles, it will clear that instant gratification is the poison that contaminates the well of future life

It is absurd, unfair and unreasonable to expect your spouse to suddenly keep the seventh commandment in marriage when both of you have practiced and perfected breaking it before marriage.

Some even go as far as saying they will divorce such a spouse. I say: if you didn’t dump him/her for doing it (with you) before marriage, don’t divorce him/her. Why make marriage look bad?

I am always surprised by young people who say if my spouse commits adultery or break the 7^th commandment I will divorce him/her whether worse thing that could ever happen in marriage is adultery when