From Conflict Resolution to Love Restoration.
- Few couples like to admit it, but conflict is common to all marriages. Start with two selfish people with different backgrounds and personalities, now add some bad habits and interesting peculiarities, throw in a bunch of expectations, and then turn up the heat a little with the daily trials of life. Guess what? You are bound to have conflict. It’s unavoidable. Regardless of the compatibility couple, a husband and wife will always have somewhat different perspectives, and these differences will create conflict.
- Conflicts are often over money, careers, in-laws, sex, child rearing, and a host of other common marital issues. These are part of the experience of being married. Some couples feel that if they could only rid themselves of certain conflicts, they would be happy together. But marriages can be excellent in spite of conflicts, even when some of them are never fully resolved.
- The difference between couples who live in marital bliss and those who regret ever having met each other is not found in whether or not they are free of conflict it’s found in whether or not they are in love with each other.
- The goal of restoring and sustaining love in marriage is much more important than the goal of resolving conflicts. Even if you made progress in resolving some of your conflicts, you still may have been unhappy with your marriage. The goal for marriage is for you and your spouse to be in love with each other. With love, marriage is sensational. Without it, it’s hell.
- In every marital conflict we need to stress the importance of resolving it in a way that builds the feeling of love in marriage. Since every marriage has its tensions, it isn’t a question of avoiding them but how you deal with them. Conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or isolation.
- Conflict resolution is not the goal, the goal is love restoration, therefore we need to go beyond just resolving conflicts to restoring love.